I was asked by the British Broadcasting Corporation to offer a few reminiscences about my days in showbusiness back in the Fifties for a radio show they are putting together. I told them about my days working with Peter Brough, the ventriloquist. He wasn't very good. When you saw him listening to his dummy, Archie Andrews, you could see his ears move.
I visited my local territorial army base yesterday in my role as honourary chairman of the local Armed Services Benevolent Society. One of the soldiers, who has done a tour of Iraq, explained to me why he had volunteered. “I just wanted to fight in the war so badly”
“You're in luck,” I replied, “A war hasn't been fought this badly since Field Marshall Haig launched his great offensive at Ypres with the aim of moving his drinks cabinet five feet closer to Berlin.”
Of course in my political days I was talked of as a possible Defence Secretary. They stopped me, I'm afraid, claiming there was a conflict of interest. Just because I made a small profit selling tear gas to Pinochet!
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