Many people have asked me to provide my predictions for the year ahead. This isn't something I would normally do, the prediction industry being, in my opinion, a load of hokum. This is especially true of astrology - I am very skeptical. Typical Capricorn. However, I have given in to the demands so here you go.
Barak Obama will publish his new book, “The Effrontery of Daydreams”. Hillary Clinton will release her own book, “Why the Secretary of State is more important than the President and other stories”. George Bush will publish his memoirs, “My Head Hurts – Global Leadership in the 21st Century”.
England will win the Ashes. South Africans everywhere will shrug and mutter about two bald men fighting over a comb.
John McCain will inaugurate the Failed Fighter Pilots of America Association and become its first President.
Madonna’s post mid-life crisis will be ended by her shattered pelvis.
Turkey will award Israel null points in the Eurovision Song Contest. Israel will retaliate by bombing the hell out of Ankara. The U.K. will come last in the Eurovision contest. Several people will be a bit upset.
All of the remaining unemployed bankers in Britain and America will be given jobs advising their government s on how to resolve the economic crisis. All of their advice will involve borrowing stacks of money that we can’t afford to pay back.
The Obama Presidency will be derailed by constant questions about whether Hillary Clinton’s effectiveness is being undermined by the revelations about Bill’s relationship with that intern at the State Department, the Washington correspondent of Al Jazeera and the Mexican girl who does the laundry. Hillary will blame a vast right-wing conspiracy even though there will be only 13 conservatives left in America.
The England football team will win a few more games. The press will declare it the greatest football team of all time.
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