The Blame Game

The Government has been coming down hard on the Bankers this week. Gordon Brown has said how angry he is at poor old Freddie Goodwin who has carried the can for the collapse of Royal Bank of Scotland, and 'Lord' Paul Myners, who is minister for the City has been slagging off 'grossly over-rewarded bankers' for mismanaging their banks. Former grossly over-rewarded banker Paul, I am told, came to this view in consultation with his ministerial colleagues, former grossly over-rewarded banker Mervyn Davies and former grossly over-rewarded banker Baroness Vadera, so I think we can trust him. It all comes as the statistics say that we have officially sunk into recession and the pound is approaching parity with the Hungarian Forint on the international currency markets.

But we should not be downhearted, for our great nation still has much to be proud of. We lead the way in developing the New Economy, where the danger of rich bankers taking silly risks in search of massive bonuses is safely negated because the taxpayer covers all the money they lose, and where the terrible spectre of massed ranks of unemployed bankers queuing at the soup kitchen will concern us no more as they will all be employed as Government Ministers. My spies in Downing Street tell me that he has already been on the phone to Barak Obama to tell the new President all about his new model. Let's hope the new President follows the wise old Scotsman's advice, eh?

And that's not all. We have a rapidly growing burglary sector, our Jobcentres and benefit offices can hardly keep up with demand and we lead the world in natural breasts, thanks to the efforts of Kate Winslett and her magnificent hits, Revolutionary Road and The Reader. My wife is a big fan of Kate's. She has followed that fine actress' career ever since she appeared in Sense and Sensibility. Lady Collar has always loved nineteenth century novels. I remember the days after we were married; she liked nothing better than to be tucked up in bed holding a little Hardy and she tells me that before we met she liked nothing better than getting stuck into Nicholas Nickleby or the Mayor of Casterbridge.