Many people have asked for my advice on dealing with the current energy crisis. Well, here are my tips.
Drive downhill more often.
Reduce your winter fuel bills by spending the months between October and March in the Caribbean. I recommend Antigua. This winter you'll have the bonus opportunity to see England's touring cricket team!
Be managing director of B.P, Exxon or Shell. Even being president of Total would be alright if you can put up with the constant badgering from the human rights mob about your links to Burma.
Get one of those energy saving lightbulbs. Or some candles. And if you are cold have a cup of coffee and wear a pullover.
If you are female, marry an oil sheik or a Soccer player (my thanks to my old friend Silvio 'Il Duce' Berlusconi for that one)
Save electricity by using shorter, thinner wires.
That should sort out most of your problems. Don't worry – I don't charge for my advice!
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