Beating the Credit Crunch!

As the credit crunch continues to bite, I have decided to offer a few more tips as to how to weather the storm.

1) Have an accident at work; fall off a ladder or fall over a piece of carelessly discarded packaging for example. Then you can sue your employer for a few hundred grand. You needn't feel guilty – it is your right and they'll be driven out of business before long by the high oil price anyway. I recommend my son's new law firm. If you are a home owner, he can also arrange you a no-questions asked loan should you want to take a holiday, fill your tank with petrol or pay off all the other loans that you got even though you couldn't afford to pay it back.

2) Open a law firm specializing in convincing people to sue their employers over insignificant accidents that were nobody's fault.

3) Start offering dodgy loans to people who can't afford them – even if things go tits-up the government will bail you out for the good of the economy.

4) Get elected as an MEP – there is no money in being at Westminster any more. If you are Labour and in favour of keeping the John Lewis list then you've only got a few months till you're voted out and if you're a Tory then Cameron is going to make you give up your expenses! And just because that's what the taxpayers want! I really don't know what has happened to this country. If you are in the European Parliament the everyone knows you are corrupt but nobody can muster the enthusiasm to give a stuff so you are on the pig's back!

Lady Collar's Handy Hints

Hello everyone. It is Lady Collar here. Bing has asked me to add a little colour to his blog by offering some advice on my own areas of expertice - and a jolly good thing too if you ask me. The finest of men, of course, (I did marry him, after all!) but he does rather have his head in the clouds and we all know that you sometimes need to speak to people on their own level, about things that they will recognize from their everyday, humdrum, insignificant little lives. We can't all be enormously successful politicians, journalists and businessmen, I always tell him. Every great man has someone standing behind him doing all of the real work - like Tony Blair had his Cherie and Hitler had his Eva Braun.


I thought I would start with a few tips from the kitchen. Now when I was a girl, cooking was easy. Irish cuisine involved taking something normal like bread and making it artery-cloggingly unhealthy by frying it. Scottish cuisine involved taking something that is already unhealthy, like a chocolate bar, and making it even more unhealthy by deep-frying it. English cuisine involved taking anything and boiling it until it becomes a tasteless mush – remember, as my husband would say, if you can count the carrots then they're not done yet. Traditional Welsh cuisine has always been mystery to us all.

Times have changed, of course, and now it is common to find many different dishes from around the world – all either fried, deep-fried or boiled to oblivion as above. Occasionally this works in reverse and you will take something traditional like blood pudding or battered tripe, and make it exotic by plastering it with curry sauce. That is what I recommend! Either that or order pizza!