It's time to panic!

Disaster! The recession has finally hit home in Britain and the nation is united in its sympathy for the greatest victims of them all – the billionaires. The Sunday Times have revealed that those poor people have lost £155 billion between them, so you can see why they are so annoyed at having to pay higher income tax. I'm told that one, Peter Hargraves, who made his money and, no doubt, his own personal contribution to the bankrupting of the British economy, as a fund manager in the City during the boom, has threatened to go and live in the Isle of Man to avoid his new tax bill. Protesters are reported to be rioting on the streets of Douglass as I write. There is no truth in the rumour that a disabled former soldier has been running the London Marathon to raise the money to buy him his ticket.

On a lighter note, the Budget! I have discovered why Alistair Darlings growth projections and GDP forecasts were so far off what everyone else said. It seems that he has been using the wrong type of tea – when one is trying to predict the future, one should use darjeeling and not tetley.