Good News! The United Kingdom has made yet another invaluable contribution to humanity's exploration of Outer Space. Bravely ignoring the fact that that no trace of alien life has been found by anyone outside the American Midwest and Gloucestershire (which is the British equivalent), a scientist called Doctor John Elliott has convinced somebody to give him funding for his new Alien Language Translation programme. This will allow us to communicate with aliens, should they exist and should they even speak a language at all. Personally I think Dr Elliott might be wasting his time. If Aliens do arrive somewhere over our little island I can confidently predict that we will try to communicate with him/her/it by speaking slowly and loudly in English and expecting him/her/it to understand, in the time-honoured fashion.
I had a deeply disturbing shock when I spoke to one of my Irish friends today – I had telephoned to ask if he knew any good banks in which I might hide some of my money in an attempt to exploit the Irish Government's savings guarantee. He told me to pour a stiff drink and sit down before he told me his news – and how grateful I was for the warning! It turns out that Irish ministers have betrayed their counterparts around the world by voting to take a 10% pay cut! Yes, you did read that right. It is appalling. Or so I thought. It turns out that they have also massively increased tax rates on the rich, the poor and the middle classes so they'd probably never have seen that extra 10% anyway.
Before I go, I had an interesting request to support an important and consequential campaign – take a look. Proof, if it were needed, that the world's crackpots and wierdos aren't going to let the small matter of the end of capitalism distract them from what's really important!
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