It's that man again!

Gordon Brown has, in what can only be regarded as an act of genius (insane genius, perhaps but genius nonetheless) moved decisively to tackle the financial crisis. He says he wants to invent a new way of governing, apparently by replacing the elected government with an appointed one.


Spearheading this new dawn will be none other than Peter Mandelson. This has caused some surprise due to the well known animosity between the great man and the Prime Minister. They both acknowledged that they have 'had their ups and downs', in rather the same way that Stalin had his ups and downs with Hitler.


But, I hear you ask, how can Peter be brought back into government when he is no longer a Member of Parliament? Well, this small problem has been solved by making him into a peer of the realm in accordance with the old British tradition of ennobling failed politicians who the current leadership thinks it needs for some reason. This saves him the bother of getting elected and, as an additional bonus his seat in the House of Lords is, thanks to the Labour Party's far-sighted reforms, a salaried position. After all, who can get by on a mere Minister's salary these days? Especially when your chances of a nice directorship in the City are fading faster every day. They can't even afford to employ useful people anymore!


Lord Mandelson is, of course, uniquely qualified to deal with the current crisis, having once had to resign from government after lying on a mortgage application for a house he couldn't possibly afford.


Also elevated to the House of Lords and given a job in the government is a chap called Paul Myners. His qualification for a job in government is that he is the only person left in the country who has any money – he is the director of a hedge fund firm who have made a fortune at everybody else's expense by short selling shares in banks in a welcome demonstration to the rest of us of how to get by in hard times. He also gave £12700 to Gordon Brown's campaign to become leader of the Labour Party. Some might say that this was rather a large donation considering that there was no actual leadership election as Gordon was the only candidate, so you might think that Paul can't have needed to spend all that much. I hear that the chaps in the city were wondering if he might have lost his knack for making money. How wrong they were! Seats in government don't come cheap, you know! And even a seat in this government is more secure than a job in the City.


Incidentally, for those of you unfamiliar with aristocratic rank, a lord is somewhat lower than a prince but slightly higher than a prince of darkness, so in Peter's case that makes it a promotion.