I have just returned from a visit to Beaumont Palace in Oxford, which is the birthplace of King Richard I, Coeur de Lion. Richard, you will remember, became embroiled in someone else's war in the Middle East and then bankrupted the country, two old English traditions which our current government proudly upholds to this day!
My American friends have been telling me about how their country has once again been following in the footsteps of the Motherland, which always gives me a warm feeling inside. They have enjoyed watching the public outrage about the massive bonuses that Britain's useless bankers have been awarding themselves and have decided to have a pogrom of their own. America's public enemy number one is AIG and the celebrity chat-show guest, 'Special' ten-pin bowler and occasional President Barak Obama has said that he will use 'all legal means' to get the bonuses paid back. To which all of America replies, 'All legal means?? Why stop there? Where's Dick Cheney when you need him? Cart the bastards off to Morocco for a bit of waterboarding and they'll soon pay it back!' My own advice to Barak would be to study the history books and take comfort from the true lesson of King Richard I. It doesn't matter if you spend your life in an endless round of futile battles, or if you wreck the country's finances and cripple its people with ruinous taxes, because in a few centuries you'll just be a minor character played half-heartedly by Sean Connery in a bad Kevin Costner movie with an awful theme song.
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