I visited the allergy unit at my local hospital today to deliver a small donation. It is a cause that is dear to my heart as my own sister suffers from hayfever and diabetes. It is important to keep her spirits up, I think, so I buy her little presents. Nothing special, you know, just flowers and chocolate. She's a bit asthmatic as well – I suggested that she take up tennis, just for a bit of a wheeze.
When I got home and read the paper I had a bit of a shock. The headline read, “Lapdancing clubs have been set up by schools, minister admits.” My first thought was that perhaps this was a welcome outburst of entrepreneurial spirit by the schools in question. Then I thought that perhaps it was a work experience project. I was outraged – haven't these people heard that banks all over the city have been sacking staff and cutting bonuses? Who the hell can afford lapdancers these days?
To my relief, I discovered that I had misunderstood. It was merely a bit of disgracefully poor grammar and they meant that lapdancing clubs had been opened next to schools. The poor use of English is something which angers me. Some people don't even know the difference between a colon and a comma. Those of us who had the benefit of a public school education and three years at Oxford know that a colon is used to inform the reader that what follows proves and explains, or simply enumerates elements of what is referred to before while a comma is when you are knocked unconscious for a long time after a bang on the head.
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