I had the great fortune to be able to speak today about the week's momentous events with an old Civil Rights Activist from the Southern State of Mississippi who happened to be in Britain this week. 'I never thought,' she told me with a tear in her eye, 'that I would live to see the day when Gordon Brown would win a by-election!' She went on to tell me that she thought Labour's win in Glenrothes was probably the most meaningful event ever.
The voters of Fife voted for Change, wisely recognizing that having Gordon as Prime Minister is totally different from having Gordon as Chancellor of the Exchequer – just as the Russians bravely voted to change President Vladimir Putin for Prime Minister Vladimir Putin earlier in the year. The rest of the world has responded to this brave lead – the people of New Zealand have elected a new government and apparently the Americans have done too. The new President is Barak Obama, and he is the first man ever to win an election by not being George W. Bush. Of course his opponent, John McCain, isn't George W. Bush either but the People could see clearly that he was less not George W. Bush than Obama is. Now all we have to do is hope that all of the problems of the world actually were Dubya's fault so, fingers crossed everyone!
I don't think I'm breaking any confidences if I tell you that one of Barak's first acts as President Elect was to receive a call from Gordon Brown himself, who gave valuable advice on how to solve the credit crisis. This involves cutting interest rates so that the banks can borrow money cheaply from other banks and lend it to people who can't afford to pay it back so that they can buy houses which they can't afford and start pushing house prices back up to levels that can't be sustained because that will make everything all right again. The only problem is that none of the banks have any money to lend to the other banks. Gordon has shown the world that this is easy to solve; simply give them lots of taxpayers money. Gordon is confident that Barak will see the wisdom of this little work of genius. As I always say, fight fire with fire, and fight irresponsible lending with irresponsible lending!
Incidentally, I hear that Bernie Ecclestone, the Formula 1 supremo, and dedicated tobacco promoter has been offering Gordon Brown some presentational advice. He suggested that Gordon should capitalize on the success of Barak Obama and Lewis Hamilton by blacking up and wearing a curly wig. 'Everyone would understand that it was just a little joke,' explained Bernie, 'and it is not like he'll be getting whipped by five prostitutes or anything like that.'
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