Beating the Credit Crunch!

As the credit crunch continues to bite, I have decided to offer a few more tips as to how to weather the storm.

1) Have an accident at work; fall off a ladder or fall over a piece of carelessly discarded packaging for example. Then you can sue your employer for a few hundred grand. You needn't feel guilty – it is your right and they'll be driven out of business before long by the high oil price anyway. I recommend my son's new law firm. If you are a home owner, he can also arrange you a no-questions asked loan should you want to take a holiday, fill your tank with petrol or pay off all the other loans that you got even though you couldn't afford to pay it back.

2) Open a law firm specializing in convincing people to sue their employers over insignificant accidents that were nobody's fault.

3) Start offering dodgy loans to people who can't afford them – even if things go tits-up the government will bail you out for the good of the economy.

4) Get elected as an MEP – there is no money in being at Westminster any more. If you are Labour and in favour of keeping the John Lewis list then you've only got a few months till you're voted out and if you're a Tory then Cameron is going to make you give up your expenses! And just because that's what the taxpayers want! I really don't know what has happened to this country. If you are in the European Parliament the everyone knows you are corrupt but nobody can muster the enthusiasm to give a stuff so you are on the pig's back!