It has been a traumatic week in the Labour Party. Things cannot go on as before. Decisive action is called for. That is why some of us have grasped the nettle and taken the bull by the horns (not both at the same time, obviously) Already a number of senior figures have joined this bold move - like Joan Ryan and Barry Gardiner. I looked them up – apparently they are both in the Labour Party! Joan held the vitally important role of Gordon Brown's envoy to Cyprus (I hear she spent a very week there in 1976) and Barry was Gordon's forestry envoy, as he has a lovely apple tree in his back garden. Anyway, all of us are united in the belief that we need the party needs to act and we have decided on a course of action. We have written to the Party asking for nomination forms to be issued for an new election for the leadership in the hope of, um, provoking a debate over the future direction of the government or something like that. Hopefully one of the Party's big names like..oh what's he called..ah, yes, David Miliband will respond by throwing his hat into the ring. Incidentally, David has had some success recently in his quest to find someone who has heard of him. He has revealed that he had a lively exchange with the Russian foreign minister who accused him of having, “No F*****g idea about Russian History”. David was pleased, remarking that his Russian counterpart seems to know everything about him!
Not that our actions this week should be seen as an act of disloyalty. No! Gordon is a fine leader, one of the finest this country has ever been lucky enough to have. He has been badly let down, in my opinion, by the voters, who seem unable to appreciate his qualities. I suspect he is the victim of hidden racism against his Scottishness – he is just like Martin Luther King, really!
That said, my intervention has certainly struck a chord. My inbox is bulging. I have already received an e-mail from a T. Blair congratulating me and wishing me luck, one from a Mr. B. Obama wanting to know if I would be interested in hosting a neighbourhood fundraising coffee morning and one from a Mr. Bankole from Lagos offering me a large amount of money if I give him my bank details. I forwarded this last one to the Treasury – I think it could become the centrepiece of our new economic policy!
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